045.004

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Remain Calm

Primordial Ooze

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Tenebrael, for once, did not have a smile on her face. She stared at Alyssa with all the intensity of a starved and crazed weasel. Her arms, one gloved and one bare, were crossed over her chest with a few fingers drumming on her elbow.

Alyssa didn’t break her stare. She met the angel’s eyes and didn’t flinch back or shift her posture. It was a bit of a pain in the neck. Literally. Alyssa sat on her bed while Tenebrael hovered upright a short distance away. The small elevation forced her to tilt her head upward.

The brief standoff only lasted a minute before Tenebrael’s face soften. “Are you sure about that? Are you ready? Have you learned all you can learn as you are now?”

“In order: No, no, and no.”

“Then—”

“But I could be spending years and years working with your magic. There are probably a trillion nuances that I would spend my entire life learning about and experimenting with, only to realize that there are a trillion more after that.”

Tenebrael let out a long sigh, dropping her height to be at only a slight upward angle from Alyssa. “Mortals,” she said in that same sigh. “So impatient.”

“Yes, well, it comes with a limited amount of time to do things in. Even if I can magic myself up a way to extend my life, how long will I be still be here, doing the same things with only the tiniest of baby steps to show for progress?”

“But to connect to the Throne…”

“I’m not saying that we have to do it right this second. In fact, I don’t think we should do it now. You’re right. I do think there should be just a little preparation before we go into this. I brought it up because I want it to be something on our minds. Something we’re both thinking about and mentally preparing for. I want to try to connect directly to the Throne, if only to see how things are different.”

“Well, I don’t know how it is for you, exactly. I have guesses based on what I have seen. But I’m pretty sure the Throne is… far more than what you are expecting. To be connected to the Throne is to be a part of something… much, much larger than yourself. I’m a little worried you’ll just explode.”

Alyssa pressed her lips together, raising an eyebrow. “Literally?” she asked after a short silence.

“Yes.”

“My body or my soul?”

“Yes.”

Lips pressing even tighter, Alyssa scowled. “You were the one who originally suggested it way back when…”

“Yes, but I didn’t think you would actually want to…” Tenebrael trailed off with another small sigh. Straightening her posture, she once again looked Alyssa straight in the eyes. “What is it you want, Alyssa Meadows?”

“What?”

“Why is it that you wish to connect to the Throne? What is there for you to gain? What do you want?”

Alyssa didn’t take long at all to answer, despite Tenebrael seeming to have wanted her question to be thought about for a while. Technically it was a question that she had thought about for a while. In retrospect, she had been thinking about it since first meeting Tenebrael, though she might not have been able to articulate exactly what it was she had desired back then. Now, after much more focused thought, she could distill her desire down to a single word.

“Control.”

Tenebrael blinked twice, visibly confused. “Control? What do you mean by that?”

“I mean, I just don’t feel like I have much control over my life. At the moment, you could swoop in and decide that I would be better off on some other planet entirely. Or maybe decide to do another experiment to check how your little black book reacts to something I did. Or maybe another angel shows up and then I have to deal with them. They could usurp you, becoming the new Dominion of Nod or maybe just fight with you, taking away these little talks that we have much like how the Astral Authority forced you into hiding for some time.

“I need more control over my own life. A way to get out from under all the angelic influence that is around me at all times.”

Tenebrael didn’t speak for a long time. She drifted a few paces away, settling down on top of the desk in the room. She didn’t smile. She didn’t frown. She just sat, staring. Alyssa didn’t say anything, choosing to let the angel process what she had just said. Though by five minutes of silence, Alyssa was starting to get a little nervous that she had said something she shouldn’t have.

Eventually, Tenebrael did open her mouth. “You would prefer… if I never appeared before you again? Never interfered in your life again?”

“That’s not what I said and you know it,” Alyssa snapped. “I just said that I would be upset if something interrupted our frequent chats. All I want is, should you be forced by your programming to act in a certain way, the ability to say no to whatever nonsensical demands you would be forced to come up with.”

That seemed to calm Tenebrael down, at least a little. Her posture certainly relaxed a little more, though she still didn’t put her smile back on her face.

“Can you say that the possibility of that is zero? That no other angel could possibly interfere with you or me?” Between Iosefael, Adrael, and Kenziel, history had already proved the answer to be a resounding no. But Alyssa still wanted to hear it from Tenebrael. Perhaps she had done something when she had booted the Astral Authority off the planet. Perhaps it really was just her now unless she specifically invited other angels to visit. But even if that was the case, the first question still applied in full.

And slowly, Tenebrael shook her head. Before Alyssa could say anything, Tenebrael slowly started to smile. “So I am not the problem. Rather… you would wish to become… my equal?”

It was Alyssa’s turn to blink. She hadn’t thought about it like that. But she eventually nodded. “That wasn’t quite what I had in mind, but it is a whole lot more accurate than wanting you to disappear forever.”

“I see. I see. A human with the full powers of an angel. That is a fascinating prospect indeed,” Tenebrael said, words speeding up as her excitement visibly grew. “I wonder if it is even possible.”

“Well, I don’t want to explode or anything.”

“No, no. I imagine not.”

Alyssa was a little relieved that Tenebrael wasn’t jumping to test this out right away. It hopefully meant that she was thinking over ways to try this out without this whole exploding thing, which Alyssa was a little concerned about. It was nice that she had mentioned it though. Although she had mentioned it as a way to dissuade Alyssa, it was evidence that Tenebrael wasn’t interested in reaping Alyssa’s soul at the present time.

Which was a minor fear that she still harbored despite all the evidence to the contrary. It was just… angels were so strange. Alyssa wasn’t even sure that they counted as living beings. They were beholden to their programming, didn’t eat, breathe, or multiply. Tenebrael could have been trying to figure out a way to get her killed from the very start that wouldn’t conflict with her rules and she might never know until too late. She had definitely put Alyssa into plenty of dangerous situations.

Healing Alyssa was probably the most obvious sign that she wasn’t actively hostile. And that was basically the only reason that Alyssa had explained her desire to Tenebrael. Outright stating that she wanted the ability to not have to deal with angels interfering in her life had been mildly risky. But now Tenebrael was humming and nodding to herself. She had a smile on.

It was still a little unnerving.

“So,” Alyssa said, deciding to interrupt whatever was going through Tenebrael’s head at this particular moment. “What I need to do to prepare for something like this? More math lessons?”

“Oh certainly. I hope you are prepared, Alyssa Meadows.”

Alyssa grimaced. That sounded an awful lot like what Tenebrael had said during their first encounter, right before the dumb angel transported her to Nod. It was even in the same overly boisterous tone.

Except this time, Tenebrael didn’t continue. She paused, looking a little confused. “Something wrong?”

“I ask what I need to do to prepare then you say that you hope I am prepared. Now I’m feeling less prepared than ever.”

“Oh. No,” Tenebrael said, shaking her head just lightly enough to send ripples of motion down her dark hair. “That’s not what I intended to convey. I mean to say, there is much to prepare for so I hope you are prepared for how much preparation we have ahead of us.”

“And we’ve said prepared so much I feel the word has lost all meaning.”

“Meaningful or not, we shouldn’t rush into this. I want you to demonstrate that you can perfectly control the power that you have now. Then, we’ll try feeding it through your body in a bit more of an intimate manner than the surface-level connection you have. After that… we’ll see how things look. If your body can handle it, maybe we can move forward. If not…” Tenebrael shrugged. “Might have to come up with some other solution.”

“Ignoring the future for now, I feel like I have pretty good control.”

To demonstrate, Alyssa held out both hands, one held above the other. From the higher hand, she created a series of objects. A brass broach. A miniature iron sword. A glass sculpture vaguely resembling the statue that stood watch over Teneville. A marble ball. A bullet and its casing—the gunpowder was hidden inside the brass, but she knew it would be in there if they cracked it open. And so on and so forth.

As each object hit her lower hand, she obliterated them, turning them back into nothing. Once upon a time, she would have had to spend a vast majority of her focus on creating the intricate objects. She would have had to spend another majority of her focus on the obliteration to make sure she wasn’t destroying things that shouldn’t be destroyed, like air and herself. Now, intricate objects rained down and disappeared at the same time. One after another. Whatever came to mind, she created. And what she created, she destroyed.

“That’s very good,” Tenebrael said in the exact tone that said a ‘but’ was coming next. “But creation isn’t the only use of my power. Even if it was, I can’t help but notice that you aren’t creating anything living or even dry wood.” Crossing her arms, Tenebrael said, “Food has caused you trouble in the past as well, correct? Make me a pizza.”

Cringing, the rain of objects came to a stop. Food was still something that turned into leaking globs of goo instead of whatever she was supposed to make. Wood wasn’t easy either. Granted, she hadn’t really tried to make much wood since some of her earlier experiments with creation. If she looked up enough about how plants came to be and maybe a tiny bit about cellular structure, she could probably do it.

But right now?

Tenebrael had asked for a pizza, not wood. So she couldn’t even try the easier of the two without looking like she was fleeing from the challenge.

With how effortlessly she had been creating delicate art that artisans would spend days or even weeks crafting, she felt like she should be able to simply hold out her hands and create a pizza. But a pizza was made up of so much stuff. Dough, tomato sauce, cheese, pepperoni. And that was the most basic of the basics. If she wanted any other toppings, it just got more complicated. She hadn’t been able to make a tomato, let alone tomato sauce. There were tons of stuff that went into making all of those things. Cheese was moldy and stale milk. Milk came from cows, usually, and had to be processed. Dough was flour, yeast, olive oil, sugar, salt… Yeast was a fungus, living organisms. Pizza was probably not the most complicated food out there, but she had a hard time thinking of something quite at that scale.

Maybe the problem was that she was over thinking it far too much. Taking a breath, she decided to just do it.

But not over her bed.

Standing up, Alyssa moved over to the desk. Shooing Tenebrael away, sending her floating off toward the bed, Alyssa closed her eyes to let her concentrate just a little better. Holding out her hands, Alyssa created a pizza.

It was… not a pizza.

The only similarity it had was that it was circular. A puddle of slime an inch thick clung to the wooden surface of her desk. Bits of it dripped off, landing on the stone floor with a disgusting plop. She jumped back, trying to keep it away from her bare feet. It hadn’t actually harmed her hands during the times that she had created it while holding it, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t disgusting. Though now, she had a quick and easy solution to getting rid of it instead of just tossing it all into a bucket.

Alyssa waved her hands over the mess, starting to destroy it. All the while, Tenebrael hovered around, watching without saying anything. It wasn’t until Alyssa finished up completely that she finally stopped her hovering. She crossed her arms, looking on with mild disapproval.

“Do you know what you did wrong?” Tenebrael asked, voice gentle.

“Pizza is complex.”

“Not nearly as complex as a living, breathing human. You made one of those just a short while ago.”

“Yeah, but I spent weeks researching that. I assume I need more information. I can start looking things up. Shall we meet again next week? I’ll have something by then, I’m sure of it.”

“Will you?”

“I… yes?” Although slightly hesitant at Tenebrael questioning her, Alyssa firmed her voice with resolve. “If I research enough, I’m sure I’ll get it right.”

“Mhm…”

“Why? Do you know what I’m doing wrong?”

“I think it is a mental hold up. You’re afraid of making food because you don’t want to put something so strange as something you’ve created yourself into your body.”

“Right.” Alyssa scoffed. “I’m afraid of making food but I was perfectly fine making Companion’s body?”

“You did a great deal of research, as you said yourself. That certainly lessened your fear. Maybe it will help this time, but getting over this fear would probably be a faster way. And yes, it is a fear. Even if you don’t recognize it as such. Wasn’t it you who said that fears aren’t always rational? That applies to subconscious fears twice over.”

Glowering at Tenebrael for throwing her own words back at her, Alyssa huffed. “What even is that stuff anyway?” she said, waving toward the now clean desk. It might have been a fairly transparent attempt at changing the subject, but she was sure that all she needed was more research. After all, she had a hard time making wood too and she wasn’t even considering gnawing on a two-by-four.

But Tenebrael didn’t argue. She simply held out a hand of her own. First, she created a small glass bowl, oddly without verbalizing any intent. Possibly because glass was a simple compound and not nearly as complex as a human body, which was the only thing that Alyssa had actually seen her create in the past. Then she did it again. Without saying a word, she filled the bowl with…

The stuff Alyssa created was a greenish goo, looking an awful lot like a collection of mold or algae that had been growing in a puddle of water for far too long.

Tenebrael’s version of it was much smoother. Opaque, but a consistent opaque, not the mixed sludge that Alyssa had made. “It is a material that doesn’t exist anymore. Not in any significant capacity, anyway. Nothing any mortal would have ever seen. It is a primordial substance, a precursor to all of everything, essentially. Before matter existed as you know it, this was what made up the majority of the universe outside the Throne. Even the Endless Expanse was crafted from this.”

Alyssa first raised an eyebrow, then raised a hand. She slowly moved it toward the bowl of slime, slowly enough that Tenebrael could warn her away if she thought it would be dangerous… but she didn’t move to stop Alyssa. It felt… like slime. There was no other way to describe it. It was cool and slick when she rubbed it between her fingers, but not at all sticky. In fact, pulling her fingers out of it, it all fell away. Very much unlike the goop that Alyssa created—her version clung to her fingers like honey.

“So… what do you use it for? What’s the difference between that and…” Alyssa turned her hand upward and created a small statue of herself, only to immediately obliterate it upon realizing how vain that might be.

Tenebrael barely paid it any mind. To Alyssa’s surprise, she shrugged.

“Don’t know. I doubt even the Seraphim know. While I can make it, I don’t know where to go from here. It is a secret only known to the Throne… as far as I am aware.”

Worthless, then, Alyssa mused to herself. Maybe she would hand some over to Companion and Irulon, but if even Tenebrael didn’t know how to make use of it, they probably didn’t have much chance. Then again, they had managed to do a few things that Tenebrael had found surprising and hadn’t seen before. Tenebrael could probably have done all those things herself, but their ability to surprise her might come to front again.

“So why does that stuff pop up whenever I try to make things that I don’t know anything about?”

“You are creating something. But without a… template? The miracle will switch to its default settings, to use an analogy. Its default settings just happen to be the original material.” With another shrug, both the bowl and the primordial goop that Tenebrael had created vanished. “Want to try again? Conquer your fear?”

“I’m not afraid… I just need more research time.”

“So that is a… no?”

“Next week,” Alyssa said. “Next week, I will create a pizza. And I will eat it right in front of you.”

And if I get horribly, horribly sick, at least Tenebrael will be there to heal me back up.

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