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Remain Calm

Near-Death Experience

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Over the course of Alyssa’s life, she had occasionally experienced brief instances where she felt a sudden moment of clarity. Flashes of insight into a problem or moments of inspiration for a project. They were always fleeting. Most of the time, the moment had passed and her only memory of the clarity was vague wisps on the edges of her thoughts. Sometimes, she would remember small aspects of the clarity, only to realize that it was all nonsense.

My essay can be on… wait, what was I thinking about?

What a great idea! Tomorrow, I’ll head down to the local farmer’s market and… Hmm… I don’t actually want to get a pet pig now that I think about it.

Of course, it’s all so simple. No. Wait. That makes no sense at all.

What was I thinking when that popped into my head.

After a meandering break-room discussion at work one day concerning the topic of dreams and how her coworkers sometimes felt the same way, Alyssa assumed that it was something that happened to everyone. Usually, they were brought about by a sleep-deprived haze or other impaired states. Most people didn’t pay them any attention, nor did they spare them any additional thought. Which was true for Alyssa as well.

But now, with a splitting headache and swimming vision, Alyssa felt a sudden moment of clarity

Every aspect of the universe was suddenly so simply. The problems she had been having with creating food seemed so distant. If she wanted, she could create a real living fish right now. The issue was so simple in retrospect. And it wasn’t just the fish. The world. Planetary motions. The universe. The cosmic scale of everything was brought down to the size of a pinprick that she could simply look at and understand.

“Alyssa?”

Even the Throne itself, its weavings and tapestries of reality, were part of that pinprick. The Endless Expanse. The role of the angels. Life itself. She knew everything. She knew where she was, what she was doing, and what she was going to do.

“Alyssa!”

Blinking her eyes open, Alyssa found herself slumped against the stone wall of her chambers. The back of her head ached with a throb. Her muscles all burned in a familiar way, except dialed up to ten. It felt as if she had been doing a full workout regimen non-stop for the past twenty hours with no breaks. And no water. Her mouth and throat were dry enough that just breathing felt like someone was rubbing sandpaper over her tongue and down the back of her throat.

“Alyssa? Are you alright?”

Tenebrael hovered over her. The concern riddling her face looked unnatural. It wasn’t an expression that should be on an angel’s face. Yet there she was, reaching out with her ungloved hand to rest it on Alyssa’s shoulder.

Ice coated Alyssa for just an instant. The aches and burning and throbbing stopped the moment the coolness washed over her body. Soon enough, the ice washed away as well, replaced with a bit of an uncomfortable warmth, but it was probably just the regular temperature of the room feeling hot because of the recent chill.

The chair she had been sitting in, a wooden one that had been in the room before Alyssa started using it, was no more. In its place were splinters and fractured timber. The metal table had a large divot in it, about a third of the total size of the crystal ball Tenebrael had produced. The crystal ball itself looked flawless, though part of it was hidden from sight due to the angle from the ground and that divot, but Alyssa doubted that something Tenebrael had created herself would be damaged all that easily.

On the other hand… Alyssa glanced behind her to find a cartoonish imprint of herself in the brick wall. It wasn’t a complete imprint. More like three distinct epicenters where the brick had sprouted fractures. One right where her head would have hit and another two roughly where her shoulders were. To have cracked brick… she had to have been blasted back from the crystal ball with a decent force. She was surprised the brick had cracked and not her skull…

Unless… she slowly looked back to Tenebrael.

“I’m… alive. Right?”

Tenebrael let out a sigh. An actual sigh of relief. Not just miming it or acting like she was worried. That was definitely a real sigh.

Alyssa shuddered.

“You are alive. Are you hurt at all?”

“I don’t think so… I feel fine. At least right now.”

“Good,” Tenebrael said. Although she was clearly trying to act normal, her voice was a little stiff. “Good,” she said again.

“Was I not alright a few moments ago?”

Tenebrael winced a little. “I cannot lie. You were not in a healthy state.”

Feeling back behind her head, Alyssa wasn’t surprised to find nothing there. No blood or pain. Not even a tiny bump. Tenebrael must have healed her. “How long was I out?”

“A few seconds. It has only been a minute since you were thrown back. Most of that minute has been these last few moments while we have been talking.”

“I see…” Alyssa’s eyes widened. “And I saw too. I…”

Blinking, Alyssa tried to remember.

But it was gone.

She knew that she had suddenly experienced a moment of clarity. That moment was gone. And with its passing, whatever it was that she had learned vanished as well. Alyssa tried to think, she even closed her eyes to shut out the rest of the world. Her mind went completely blank. So blank that she couldn’t even hear herself thinking.

“Alyssa?”

Eyes slowly opening, Alyssa stared at Tenebrael. “I can’t remember.”

“Remember what?”

“I… don’t know.” As she spoke, Alyssa’s eyes drifted away from Tenebrael’s concerned expression. They slid down her arm until she locked onto that crystal ball once again. If she tried it again…

Apparently seeing where her gaze had gone, Tenebrael shifted, floating to the side to obstruct the view of the orb. “I know I said several times a day, but… why don’t we not do that. Once every few days for now. And only while I’m here.”

That was not what Alyssa wanted to hear. Sure, it was nice that Tenebrael was showing real concern for her, but there was something there. Something to be learned. The entire universe had unfolded in front of her. For one second, she knew everything. Even now, unable to remember anything, she could still remember the feeling. That enlightenment. If she could just try it again, this time knowing what she was getting into so that she might firmly grasp whatever it was that she knew she saw…

Tenebrael’s power—the Throne’s power—worked better with greater understanding.

Alyssa didn’t know what exactly that would mean. But if she could understand existence even a fraction of a percent better, it would surely make a difference.

The only reason she wasn’t shoving Tenebrael aside was the very clearly near-death experience that she had just suffered and emerged from miraculously unharmed. Miraculous in a very literal sense of the word, she assumed. And also the thought that it hadn’t been the orb or its redirection of power into her that caused that clarity, but the near-death experience itself. Her whole goal was to keep herself out of the angel’s hands. Killing herself attempting to avoid that would be exactly what she didn’t want.

The near-death portion of the exercise could be mitigated with relative ease. Just thinking about it for a moment, the first step would obviously be to change locations to somewhere that didn’t have a brick wall for her to crash into. The second step would be to replace the ground with something that she could hit without harming herself. A pad, a pool of water, or one of those giant bags of air that they used when filming high falls for movies. Even a harness with some wires that might slow her flight through the air would work, though would also require significantly more engineering work than a simple nylon bag of air.

She had a brief thought about heading to the moon or just out in the middle of space. There would be absolutely nothing to crash into out there and she could likely propel herself with her ability to create whatever she wanted. But then she would have to figure out how to make a space suit or just keep air around her in at a normal pressure level and that sounded like it would take a fair amount of research.

But a bag of air would still likely be enough. She hadn’t flown through the brick wall, so she couldn’t have been thrown around with that much force…

Actually…

There was no reason to not try again right away. Taking precautions would save her from splitting her head open. Then she would be able to tell whether it was the orb and its feedback or if it was a near-death experience. Regardless of that outcome, Alyssa would likely be able to continue with their original plan of training with the orb several times a day.

“Let’s do it again.”

“Alyssa…”

“No. It will be fine. Take me out to a big empty field. We can put up airbags all over the place to catch me if I go flying again. And… let’s just try one more time.”

“Your head is clearly still rattled.” Tenebrael spoke with hefty admonishment.

“Probably a little,” Alyssa admitted with a nod of her head. It didn’t hurt, but she was still lying on the floor where she had woken up. If she were completely normal, she probably would have stood by now.

So she did. She got to her feet with the aid of Tenebrael’s proffered hand. There was a hint of instability to her balance, but that went away soon enough. It was probably just the blood rushing out of her head at the sudden rise. That would explain the momentary tunnel vision as well.

“You really should not exert yourself right now.”

“You healed me, right?” Taking a deep breath, Alyssa experimentally arched her back in a quick stretch. No pain. Not even a little ache. “I’m fine, I think.”

“How about tomorrow? Take the rest of the night to relax. Eat some pizza. Taste a bit of that primordial essence if you were curious. And—”

“No. One more try. We’ll take precautions, but I want to do it once more. Just to put my mind at ease. As I am now, I don’t think I would be able to relax.”

Tenebrael stared a moment, then closed her eyes, nodding her head slowly as she did so. “If you insist. But I will be sure to mock you for the rest of eternity if you make me consume your soul.”

Alyssa offered a mild glare, but eventually shrugged. “I’m not going to die. If you can put me back together after splattering against a brick wall, you can fix a few bruises that I might have after landing in an airbag.”

Shaking her head, Tenebrael turned away. She grabbed the glass orb, slipped it back into the feathers of her wings, and finally turned to Alyssa once more. With one hand on Alyssa’s shoulder, the angel quickly swept her up into a bridal carry.

Which sent Alyssa’s stomach plummeting to the floor.

“No! Teleport. No flying!”

It was too late. The glass window shattered just instants before Alyssa and Tenebrael passed through it. With her arms wrapped tightly around Tenebrael’s shoulders and her face tucked into the cranny of her neck, Alyssa had a clear view of the glass reforming behind Tenebrael. But she barely spared it a thought. She was too busy crying out as the massive palace shrank into the distance.

They flew southward faster than Alyssa thought her body could take. She could feel the wind slamming into her back, pinning her against Tenebrael. At the same time, the wind was coming at an angle that made her feel like she was going to go flying right out of Tenebrael’s arms. If either of them shifted their weight, adjusted their grip, or even turned their heads, Alyssa thought she would be done for.

It wasn’t the first time that Tenebrael had taken her flying. She knew in her mind that Tenebrael could carry her without issue. But her nerves didn’t quite get the message. Especially with Tenebrael taking her further and further away from the palace. Alyssa could hardly even see it at this point. The mountains to the south were growing larger and larger.

We’re heading to Teneville?

Alyssa didn’t know what was wrong with some empty field next to Lyria, but the more they flew, the more clear it was that their destination was what Alyssa suspected. Sure enough, they quickly reached and passed the mountains that normally took three days to walk through. They flew over the village and the still-standing statue of Tenebrael, slowing just after.

Plunging from high in the sky, Tenebrael stopped them both just outside the back porch of Alyssa’s home.

Alyssa wanted to shout at the stupid angel, but was too busy catching her breath and enjoying the feeling of solid ground beneath her feet. It took a few minutes, but she eventually managed to get her heart rate under control.

“If you’re trying to scare me out of doing this, you’re wrong,” Alyssa said, trying to not show how much her fingers were shaking, even though Tenebrael could and would notice without much effort. “And there was a portal right there!” she shouted, pointing just a few feet away. The first shimmering oval that Alyssa created, the tunnel connecting the copy of her house in this world to the palace stables, was looking awfully lonely as it sat there. Unused.

“Just moving somewhere a little more private. This area already has an exclusion zone around it. To most other people, this area doesn’t exist. They’ll try to avoid it. Even if they can’t avoid it, they’ll pass through in a daze and not remember much afterward.” The stupid angel completely ignored the portal. Alyssa might have thought that she looked over it because of some rule of hers… except for the slight scoff she gave as she glanced in that direction.

“Irulon and Brakkt both visited, along with several others.”

“You let them in. When I brought you here, I gave you just a little authority over the area. Which was enough to bring others in, it seemed.”

“You gave me… the ‘exclusion zone’ existed before I arrived?”

“It did,” Tenebrael said with a nod. “This place is a favorite of mine. I cordoned it off long ago, just to preserve it for myself.”

“Mhm… Is that allowed in your rules?”

“Don’t you wonder where the Garden of Eden went?”

“I have literally never once thought about it.”

“Oh.” Tenebrael seemed a little disappointed for a moment, but shrugged after a few moments. “Are you sure you want to try this again?”

Taking a deep breath, Alyssa gave a confident, “Yes.”

“And you wanted some… protections?”

“A large nylon bag filled with air. Lots of them, or maybe just one giant one in the shape of a donut. Or something similar. I can make it myself, but you might be a little faster at it.”

Nodding, Tenebrael drifted away with a gesture for Alyssa to follow. They didn’t go far. Just a distance away from the house and the lakeside. Above the ground, almost directly overhead, Tenebrael enacted a miracle. The mystic circle formed from the tips of her fingers.

But nothing actually changed.

Alyssa crossed her arms, staring as Tenebrael lowered herself down. “Something wrong?” Alyssa asked once she was lower than shouting distance. “Need me to do it?”

“No need. I understood your intention and created an alternate solution. Try returning to your home.”

Raising an eyebrow, Alyssa started walking back… only to run into a… something. It wasn’t a wall, she could still move forward, but it was weird. Not quite like walking through water, but somewhat similar. It was like her body wanted to not continue forward even as she used her muscles to walk.

“Thicker air?” she asked, wondering if Tenebrael had thought the same thing she had earlier. She could certainly still breathe in it… hopefully she was getting enough oxygen. Tenebrael wouldn’t have let her asphyxiate though, so it was probably fine.

But Tenebrael shook her head. “I messed with the concept of inertia.” Conjuring a small pebble, Tenebrael tossed it.

The stone arced as normal right up until it hit the strange field that Alyssa was standing in. It continued on, but visibly slowed. The arc stopped almost immediately, continuing in a straight line until it just stopped. Right in the middle of the air.

Moving a little, finding it much easier to keep moving if she just constantly forced herself to walk, Alyssa reached out and tried to grab it out of the air. Tried. It was locked in the air. It was a smooth stone, so there weren’t sharp edges, but it would probably have sliced her palm open if it were a even a little shaper. It did start moving eventually, but took about as much effort as it took to lift a forty pound dumbbell.

“Satisfied?”

“It seems mostly fine. I’m surprised I can even walk in this though. I feel like I shouldn’t be able to put my foot down without my other foot coming off the ground.”

“If you went in a little further, that would be true. The more you enter, the more the effects of inertia are changed.”

“As long as slamming into it doesn’t break my neck, I think it will work.”

Reaching behind her back, Tenebrael pulled out the crystal orb. This time, she placed it on a marble column that she summoned up. “If you are sure about this, then I won’t stop you. In addition, I’ll need to be leaving shortly to perform my usual duties. This will be your last attempt for now.”

“As long as you’ll be here long enough to let me out of your inertia field, I’m ready.”

“Alright. Hand on the orb. Maybe put in a little less than last time, if at all possible.”

Taking a deep breath, Alyssa did as instructed.

White hot pain coursed through her body, but no secrets of the universe crossed her mind.

It wasn’t the orb itself that caused whatever it was that she had seen… that she had understood.

As the pain slowly faded from her nearly frozen but unharmed body, Alyssa couldn’t help but give a mental shudder at the thought of trying to see that again.

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